Anger is a universal human emotion. At some point, every person experiences it. Yet, many people struggle to understand what anger really is and how it can be expressed in a healthy way. Often, we confuse anger with aggression, believing that to feel angry is to be destructive. But this misconception is not only misleading—it can be damaging to our emotional and physical well-being.

Understanding Anger as a Natural Emotion

Anger, in itself, is not bad. It is a natural, healthy response to certain situations—an internal signal that something is wrong. However, it's the way we choose to express or suppress our anger that determines whether it becomes a problem.

Some individuals pride themselves on never getting angry. Others suppress their anger so completely that they no longer recognize it in themselves. But suppressed anger doesn’t disappear; it often turns inward and can manifest in other ways. For example:

• Depression is frequently referred to as "anger turned inwards."
• Obesity and comfort eating can result from repressing anger, as people turn to food to soothe unresolved emotions.

The inability to assert ourselves and express anger constructively can lead to poor self-esteem, anxiety, and even physical illness. It also distorts how others perceive and respond to us.

The Myth of "Good" and "Bad" Emotions

There is a cultural tendency to label emotions as either positive or negative. Anger often falls into the latter category. We've all heard phrases like:

• "Don’t shout at me!"
• "Go to your room until you can control yourself."
• "Respect your elders and don’t talk back."

These messages imply that anger is wrong or shameful, especially for children. But emotions aren't good or bad—they're simply data. How we act on them is what matters.

If children aren’t taught how to express anger appropriately, they grow into adults who fear confrontation or lash out uncontrollably. Teaching children to name their emotions, express them non-destructively, and work through conflict helps create emotionally intelligent, resilient adults.

Dissecting Common Anger Myths

Let’s take a moment to bust some widespread myths:

1. Venting gets rid of anger. Wrong. Yelling, hitting pillows, or screaming does not release anger. It may feel cathartic momentarily, but it often reinforces aggressive habits.

2. Anger is sinful or undesirable. Incorrect. Anger is just a feeling. It’s what we do with it that counts.

3. Aggression is instinctive and unavoidable. Not true. While we have the capacity for aggression, we are also wired for empathy, communication, and cooperation.

4. Sports or competitive work release anger. This depends on the intent. If competition is used to channel frustration constructively, it can help. But if it's used as an outlet for unresolved rage, it can perpetuate aggressive responses.

5. Some people never get angry. False. Everyone experiences anger. Some just hide it better or have learned to disconnect from it.

6. Women are less angry than men. Culturally, women may be conditioned to suppress anger more than men, but both genders experience it equally.

The Impact of Anger Mismanagement

Mismanaging anger—either by denying it or expressing it aggressively—can damage relationships, cause mental distress, and lead to physical symptoms like headaches, high blood pressure, and digestive issues.

Aggressive behaviour often leads to:

• Damaged communication
• Retaliation from others
• Escalating conflicts

This creates a cycle of negativity and misunderstanding. On the other hand, assertively expressing anger—acknowledging it and communicating needs clearly—can lead to resolution, respect, and stronger relationships.

Embracing Healthy Expression

So what does healthy anger expression look like?

• Recognising and naming the feeling: “I feel angry right now.”
• Owning the feeling: “I feel angry because my boundaries were crossed.”
• Expressing it calmly and constructively: “Let’s talk about what happened and find a solution.”

When anger is expressed assertively rather than aggressively, it can actually strengthen your relationships and increase your self-respect.

Final Thoughts

Anger is not your enemy. Misunderstanding and mismanaging it is. The goal isn’t to avoid anger but to learn how to use it effectively—as a signal, a guide, and sometimes even as a motivator for positive change.

In our next blog, we’ll explore how suppressed anger can manifest as depression or other emotional struggles—and how recognising the roots of your anger can lead to emotional healing and empowerment.

Stay tuned!