Most of us have heard the phrase “I don’t get angry.” But the truth is, we all do—some people just push it down so deeply that it becomes unrecognisable. What happens to that energy? Where does the anger go when it’s ignored or unexpressed?

Very often, it turns inward and festers—manifesting not as rage, but as depression, self-doubt, and even physical illness. In this blog, we’ll explore how suppressed anger can shape our emotional health and behaviours—and how learning to express anger constructively can set us free.

🔁 Suppression vs Expression: The False Choice

From childhood, many of us are taught that expressing anger is wrong:

  • “Don’t talk back.”
  • “Don’t raise your voice.”
  • “Go to your room until you calm down.”

These early messages often teach us to suppress anger rather than understand and work through it. And while these intentions may have been to promote politeness or respect, the long-term effects are very different.

Suppressing anger doesn’t make it disappear—it simply redirects it. Instead of facing the issue directly, people may internalise their feelings. This is where depression often enters the picture.


😔 Depression: Anger Turned Inwards

A powerful way to understand depression is as anger without a voice. Instead of outward expression, the person turns their emotional energy inward. This can result in:

  • Feelings of hopelessness or worthlessness
  • Chronic fatigue and low motivation
  • Self-blame and guilt
  • Physical issues such as migraines, digestive problems, or body tension

When anger has no healthy outlet, it builds pressure internally—draining your emotional energy and reducing your sense of autonomy and personal power.


🍽️ Emotional Eating and Other Coping Behaviours

Some people “stuff” their anger both metaphorically and literally. For example:

  • Comfort eating is a common way to soothe unresolved emotional pain.
  • Others may overwork, drink, or isolate themselves—ways of distracting from what they’re really feeling.

These behaviours are not random. They are often coping mechanisms for underlying emotional pain or rage that the person may not even consciously acknowledge.


🤐 The Problem with Non-Assertiveness

One of the most common reasons people suppress anger is a lack of assertiveness. They may:

  • Feel afraid to “rock the boat”
  • Believe they don’t deserve to speak up
  • Worry about rejection or conflict
  • Try to be overly “nice” at the expense of their own needs

The issue? When people consistently deny their own needs, they start to feel invisible, resentful, and disconnected from others—and themselves.

Instead of standing up for themselves, they either retreat into isolation or explode at the wrong time, in the wrong way.


💣 From Passive to Aggressive

There’s often a tension between how someone wants to respond and how they think they’re “allowed” to. When this tension builds, it can lead to:

  • Passive-aggressive comments
  • Emotional shutdown
  • Explosive outbursts that seem out of proportion
  • Displaced aggression (lashing out at someone unrelated to the real issue)

When someone doesn’t feel safe being assertive, they may become either overly passive or unpredictably aggressive. Neither of these behaviours supports emotional wellbeing—or healthy relationships.


🧍‍♂️ The Internal Impact: Shame and Self-Contempt

People who cannot express their anger often turn that frustration inward. This results in deep emotional wounds, including:

  • Self-contempt – feeling weak or ashamed for not standing up for oneself
  • Anxiety – constant worry about upsetting others or being rejected
  • Low self-worth – believing you are not entitled to your emotions

These feelings not only feed depression but also reduce a person’s ability to connect meaningfully with others. When your self-esteem is wounded, it’s hard to believe that your needs—and your voice—matter.


⚖️ A Middle Ground: Assertiveness

The good news? There’s a middle path between silent suffering and explosive aggression: it’s called assertiveness.

Assertiveness means:

  • Saying how you feel in a clear, respectful way
  • Taking responsibility for your emotions (“I feel…” rather than “You made me feel…”)
  • Setting boundaries that protect your wellbeing
  • Communicating honestly—even when it’s uncomfortable

When we learn to express ourselves assertively, we reduce the pressure cooker effect. Emotions can move through us, rather than getting stuck inside.


🧩 A Holistic View of Anger and Depression

Understanding your emotional patterns is the first step toward healing. Here are some powerful questions to consider:

  • When I feel upset, do I say anything—or keep it to myself?
  • Do I feel guilty for being angry?
  • How do I react when someone else expresses frustration?
  • What messages did I learn about anger growing up?
  • When was the last time I expressed anger in a healthy, honest way?

These questions can begin to uncover old emotional habits—and give you the insight needed to shift toward healthier ones.


💬 Final Thoughts

Depression and anger are more connected than most people realise. Suppressed anger isn’t just an emotional issue—it can shape your mental health, physical wellbeing, and the quality of your relationships.

Learning to identify, own, and assertively express your anger is not a luxury—it’s a key part of emotional resilience.

In the next blog, we’ll look at how our early life experiences and personality traits affect our anger responses—sometimes even into adulthood—and what we can do to grow past them.

Stay connected—you’re doing the work, and it matters.